Starting Over
by AlliKMckz
Summary: Carter and Abby talk....
1. Coming Back

Starting Over

Disclaimer: I don't own any ER characters, I only own Caleb.

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Abby's POV 

I stopped for a minute and stared at the doors in which I would soon enter, the doors which would change how my life had been the past few years. The doors which lead back to the life I used to live, the life I left behind, the people I left behind. I feel a tugging on my arm, 

"Mommy?" my four year old son Caleb calls to me, 

"

What baby?" I ask him. 

"Are we going to go inside?" he asks, pointing towards the doors, 

"Yeah, let's go," I grab his hand as we make our way inside. I'm shocked as I enter, this building I haven't been in for 4 ½ years is exactly the same, or at least it seems the same. The same patients coming in and out, doctors trying to clear the board, families who have heard the worst news about their loved ones. I stop once again and look around, I hardly recognize anybody, then I see a face, the one face I've been wanting to see and dreading seeing. He walks by only to walk back a second later, 

"Abby?" he calls, after 4 ½ years he still remembers, I didn't think he would. 

"Carter, good to see you," I somehow manage to say. We awkwardly stand there for second before he says, 

"Yeah, so, how have you been?" I notice he looks at Caleb as he says it, 

"Pretty good," I say as I pull Caleb closer to me, "This is Caleb by the way." He bends down to Caleb's level, 

"Hi Caleb, my name is John," Caleb looks up at me and I reassure him its alright to talk to John.

"Hi John," Caleb says waving at him, Carter smiles at him then stands back up,

"So Abby, how long are you back for?" Carter asks me, I can tell he's still in shock from seeing me.

"Actually, Caleb and I are moving back here," I pause then add, "For good." 

"I've got to get back to work, maybe we can get together for coffee or something sometime and talk," I notice he once again looks at Caleb then back to me,

"Sure, here's my number," I give him a slip of paper which I wrote my number on, then I watched him walk away, again.

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Carter's POV

I put some x-rays up to the light to look at them, but I can't concentrate on them, my mind wanders. Abby is here, after 4 ½ years she's back, just showing up at the hospital, like nothing had happened. Who does she thinks she is? I'm starting to get angry, she leaves, no explanation or anything, just leaves, then comes back 4 ½ years later with a "Hey Carter, good to see you," and with what I'm guessing is her son, by her side. Her son, that brings up another question, who is the father? Caleb couldn't be more than 4 years old. Could he be mine? We weren't really together, except for that one night, I guess its possible, but she also had just broken up with Luka at the time, could he be Luka's? 

"Dr. Carter?" I hear, I turn around to see the patient with a worried look on her face, "Is something wrong?" 

"Everything's fine," I reassure them, "I'll be right back," I say as I walk out, I can't concentrate on anything, I'm glad I only have a half hour before I get off. I need to talk to Abby, I need some explanation, I thought we were finally going to get together and be together, forever. I guess not, I'm still not sure how to react to this whole thing, what is the right reaction? Happiness? Maybe a little bit, Anger? I definitely am angry, but how angry am I really? Shock? I wasn't expecting it that was for sure, I didn't think I would ever see her again. Confused? That's probably the biggest one, I'm confused at why she left, why she came back. There are a million other emotions going around in my head, but I don't have time to figure them all out, 29 minutes left in my shift, I better stop thinking and get back to work.

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Abby's POV

My apartment is a mess, what do you expect after moving? Caleb is sitting in his half set up room playing with cars, the TV he left on is blaring some show, partly eaten food left at the table. It's a nice apartment just needs our stuff cleaned up. I survey the mess of boxes and junk around me, I can't help but think how closely this apartment represents my life. A junky mess of confusion, but I can't think about that now, I'm supposed to be starting over, forgetting the life I used to have, even the life I used to have before I left Chicago. Something's I'm just going to have to face, Carter and Luka for example, I know Luka is still here I've just been lucky enough not to run into him, yet. I know it won't be too much longer, I start work at County on Thursday, I somehow forgot to mention that to Carter. I guess I wanted to give him some time to get used to the idea of me being back. I turn off the TV then start to clean some things up, I hear the phone ring but in the mess I can't seem to find it. I hear the answering machine pick up then hear a familiar voice,

"Abby, it's Carter, I really want to talk to you, if you can, meet me by the river around 7 at the same spot we always used to go." 

I look at Caleb then go to call Susan, the one person I have stayed in touch with and who knew I was coming back. "Hey Susan, it's Abby, do you think you can watch Caleb tonight? A little before 7? Yeah she can come too, alright, see you then, Bye"

Susan has been the best friend a person could ask for, she helped me move out and in, she helped me with all my problems in Boston, anything and everything she is there for me, "Caleb," I call trying to get his attention, he gets lost in his own little play world, "Caleb," I call again, this time he looks up at me, "Susan and Krista are coming over to play!" 

"Yay! Krista! Krista!" He yells and starts jumping around his room.

"Why don't you get your room cleaned up, as much as you can," I say and I watch as he frantically runs around getting things cleaned up.

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Carter's POV

I stand by the river watching for her, I don't even know if she'll show up, or if she remembers where to come. I have so many questions to ask, I don't even know where to start. I look at my watch, 7:15, maybe she isn't coming, but then again she did always run late. I look up and see her walking towards me, another rush of emotions run through me as I walk to meet her. 

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A/N: What a fun place to leave it! I'll update soon don't worry! Also, I know there were a lot of unanswered questions, but the will hopefully all be cleared up in the next chapter. If you want to you can e-mail me (JingleBellsRock@hotmail.com) whatever you thought was unclear and I'll make sure to include it in the next chapter. Krista is Susan's 3 year old daughter, I'm not sure who Susan's husband is yet, give me some time to think about it, or you can suggest someone. Thank you for reading and please review!

~Alli


	2. Talking and Walking

Disclaimer: See first chapter

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Talking and Walking

Abby's POV

We finally reach each other, we pause, just staring at one another until he asks, 

"Why?" One word so simple with a answer so complex, 

"I don't know, it was just something I had to do," I look at the ground, I can't bear to face him.

"It was just something you had to do? You just had to leave, not telling me that your going or where your going, not even saying goodbye." I can hear the hurt in his voice, I still can't look him in the eye.

"I left a note Carter," I look up at him while I say this, I see hurt in his eyes, but the hurt quickly turns to anger.

"A note! Oh yeah Abby, that was really helpful! You would think even though you couldn't tell me in person you would at least actually tell me in your note! No, instead you just say, "John, I have to leave to sort some things out. I don't know when I will be back. Love, Abby," I first I thought you meant a few days, maybe something with your brother or mom, then the days kept getting longer and longer until I realized you weren't coming back."

"I'm back now aren't I?" 

"Are you really back Abby? Or are you just going to run again when things get tough for you, or surprises come along." 

"What do you mean?" I know exactly what he's talking about, and I know this is only stalling the topic but I need every minute I can get.

"You ran because of Caleb didn't you?"

"No, I ran because I was confused, and I needed to get away." I don't want to give anymore explanation than that. 

"Abby," He pauses, I can tell what's coming next, "Is Caleb mine?"

I take a deep breath, how can I answer that? He's watching me, waiting I know he wants a answer but I'm not sure what to tell him. 

"Abby?"

"I'm sorry Carter, he's not," I watch his face fall, I realize he had probably been preparing himself for the other answer, he sits down on a bench, I wait a moment then join him.

John's POV

The words are still ringing in my head, I was almost convinced that I was Caleb's dad. I was so excited about all the dad things I was going to get to do. Another part of me is crushed because Caleb may have been the only chance for Abby and I to have a child. A question is forming in my mind, one I don't want to ask but I have to, 

"Is he Luka's" She looks at me and I can tell the answer is a yes, how come Luka gets to have a child with Abby? I remember the night they broke up, Abby showed up at my door and you could tell she had been crying, but in a way she almost looked happier. That night we told each other about how we liked each other. After that night we were together for about 2 months and then she left. I guess it makes sense except for one thing.

"Why didn't you just stay, I would have helped you out." 

"I-I just couldn't, It was too much all at once, with me having just broken up with Luka not too long ago and we hadn't been going out for too long, I didn't want to bother you with all my problems.

We sat there for just a minute before she stood up, "I need to get going, Susan is watching Caleb for me." She paused, "I'm sorry for everything John," then she walked away, again.

Abby's POV

Why do I always do this? Walk away when I don't like the way things are going? I glance back for a second, John is sitting with his face in his hands, he looks up at me for a moment but I turn away and keep walking. I can't do this to him, I can't hurt him again. I'll just have to go on without him.

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A/N: Sorry if it wasn't the greatest, I'm going to be out of town for a week and I wanted to get another chapter up! I'm sure some people didn't like how I made Caleb be Luka's son, but don't worry, it'll turn out good. If anybody wants to talk to me I have msn messenger, my name is JingleBellsRock@hotmail.com or I have yahoo messenger, my name there is AlliMckz@yahoo.com. Thank you for reading and please review! 

~Alli


	3. Truth and Lies

Disclaimer: See the first chapter.

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Truth and Lies

Abby's POV

I'm finally home after talking with Carter. Krista and Caleb are asleep on the couch and Susan is sitting at the kitchen table reading something.

"Hey, I'm home," I call as I walk over to the kitchen, "How was Caleb?"

"Good, as usual. How was your talk with Carter?" The one question I didn't want to answer, I get asked. I did know it was coming though, this is Susan.

"It was, um, well, it sucked." I might as well be honest with her, "I just didn't know what to say to him, I mean what can you say?" I sit down in a chair at the kitchen table.

"The truth. Did you tell him everything?" 

"Basically, except," I pause, "I kind of told him that Caleb was Luka's son." Susan stares at me in shock.

"Why?" Once again, I really hate that question.

"I don't know I just, I didn't want him to think that he had to be around me."

"What about Caleb? Doesn't he deserve to know his dad?" Of course Caleb deserves to know his dad, and his dad deserves to know him, I don't know why I do the things I do. Why do I mess everything up? 

"Yeah but… I don't know, it's getting late and I have a lot to do tomorrow. Thanks for watching Caleb for me." 

Susan gets up and starts to gather her things, she stops to look at me, "Abby, you can't avoid this forever, you need to tell him." I ignore her for the time being. This is too much for me to handle right now. 

"I'll call you tomorrow," Susan says as she carries Krista to the door. "Bye," She calls right as the leaves.

I pick up Caleb and put him in bed. I watch him sleep for a few minutes, he looks so much like his dad, especially when he sleeps. Why did I lie about it? I still can't find a answer. I want so much to go tell him and have him tell me everything would be alright, but that's not going to happen. So much for a fresh start and making everything right. I've already succeed in messing things up, but I won't run this time. I can't do that to Caleb or Carter. I have to fix things and I will, even if it means not being with Carter

I don't want to do this, I don't want to live without Carter, but I've already caused so much hurt for him. I don't want to do that again. He's better off without me, I can live without him. I just have to keep telling myself that, but as corny as it sounds, I don't think I can live without him. All I thought about when I was gone was him, but I just can't hurt him again. 

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A/N: Sorry it's been so long! I've gotten so busy this summer, hopefully I'll be able to update once a week now. No promises though, as always reviews help motivate me! Thanks for reading!

~Alli


	4. Telling

Disclaimer: See first chapter

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Telling

Abby's POV

It looks like it's going to be another light day in the ER, I'm starting to hate days like these. There's too much time to think, and it's a lot harder to avoid a certain doctor, who is working today. It's been two weeks since Carter and I have talked and I still haven't told him the truth. I've seen him every day that I've worked but I just can't bring myself to do it. 

"Abby have the labs come back for Mrs. Crockett yet?" Carter asks me, this is basically all we have said to each other. 

"Not yet, let me go check on them." I'm good at finding ways not to talk to him, it's finding ways to talk to him that's hard. 

I call up and find out that the labs are done but they're backed up and have no one to bring them down. I decide to get them, as I get into the elevator someone follows me in. I turn around to look, great, it's Carter at least it's only a few floors up. 

The elevator starts to go up but after a moment gets stuck then all the lights in the elevator turn off. Carter tries to use the emergency phone only to find that it doesn't work. This is just my luck, the one time I get stuck in a elevator its with the one guy I don't want to talk to. We sit in silence for a few minutes until I finally decided that there is no better time than now to tell him.

Carter's POV

I hear Abby calling my name, saying she needs to tell me something. I ask what then wait for her to tell me. 

"I-I, I lied to you Carter," I can hardly hear her, she's talking in just above a whisper. 

"Lied to me about what?" 

"About," She pauses for awhile, I almost say something until she says, "Caleb." 

I'm shocked, I can hardly talk now, but somehow I manage to, "Is he my son?" She answer yes, I can't believe it. I have a son, I'm a dad. I'm amazed at this, I'm so lost in my thoughts I can barely hear Abby asking me if I'm mad. 

"Mad at what?" 

"That I didn't tell you," Right, there was the whole lying to me thing. 

"Why couldn't you just tell me the truth?"

"I didn't know how you would react."

"You didn't know how I'd react? Abby, you know I want kids."

"Yeah, but it was so soon we had just gotten together and I didn't want you to think you had to take care of him or me."

"Of course I want to help take care of him, he's my son, and I would have been there for you every step of the way." We are quiet for a little while, each of us lost in our own thoughts. 

Abby's POV

I'm sitting here thinking about things when Carter asks me, "Can I meet him, for real and tell him?" The lights come on and the elevator starts to move we are both sitting on the elevator floor looking at each other. 

"Of course, you can come over whenever." I mean it to, I want Caleb to know his father. 

"How about tonight?" I can tell he's excited and possibly a little nervous.

"Sure, come on over after work." The elevator doors open and we both get out and head to our original destinations. Maybe everything will work out. 

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A/N: I know this and the last chapter were kinda short but I didn't have much time. The next chapter will be explaining to Caleb that Carter is his dad. Please review! Thanks for reading!

~Alli


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